Philosophy of the Family in Ministry; Not just for Pastors.

            This post will focus upon how ministers should keep vigilant in guarding their time with family.  Far too many have allowed the ministry of the Church to become a mistress in the family.        

            Before we begin, we must understand the context of the passage of Scripture we will reference. It speaks of the Qualifications of the Pastor, but I believe the underlying principle does apply to every disciple of Christ, for we are all ministers.  The Pastor is a Minister to the Ministers (Ephesians 4:11-12).

1 Timothy 3:1-7

¹It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. ² An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³ not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. ⁴ He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity ⁵ (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), ⁶ and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. ⁷ And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

            Ministry of every kind and every nature is demanding when it comes to time especially when the minister of God has a family.  A minister must fulfill his assignment, but not at the expense of his/her family. Paul was well aware of the demands ministry would place upon believers and encouraged those who were not married to refrain from marriage so as to devote more time to the Lord’s work.  

1 Corinthians 7:32-33

³² But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; ³³ but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, ³⁴ and his interests are divided.

            Problems often arise when believers have little discipleship in regards to family and ministry.  Over the years I have witnessed persons struggling with the forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ.  Typically they are new converts to the Christian faith, but struggle with understanding how the Lord can be so forgiving and allow the devil a foothold in their conscience as he constantly bombards them with such statements as, “the Lord can’t forgive that,” or “He won’t forgive that one, it was so bad.”  The worst of the devil’s tactics is convincing believers that they have to work to make up for lost time or to pay back to God through works in the Church the forgiveness that was freely given through the Blood of Christ.  

            One example was a young husband and father that I met not long after my own conversion.  He struggled with the forgiveness of his past sins and believed he had to make up for them by working in the church.  He became involved in many ministries of the church, from helping park cars to showing up anytime work was being done around the Church property.  We had moved away and after a year we returned to visit our old friends and had discovered his wife had left the church, divorced her husband and left with their child, because she felt that the church had become a mistress in their marriage. 

This tragedy could have been prevented if someone had stepped up to disciple the young man and his wife and provided watchcare over the family and simply said “enough is enough, it’s time for ‘family time’.”  This particular church is what many would refer to as a “Mega-Church,” and such churches have much work to do.  When a Church begins to absorb all the time of an individual it risks destroying the very family relationships it hopes to build up. 

This problem is by no means a large-church problem, but an every-church problem when true biblical discipleship is lacking and the people give into the false conviction of others, “that if you don’t do it, it won’t get done, and what a shame that will be for the kingdom.”  Every believer is a minister and must have a philosophy regarding the family in ministry to protect their family from the pitfalls of overworked ministers.   

            I have been blessed with a woman called of God to be a pastor’s wife.  She understands the demands of ministry and knows that times come when I must go to the hospital or minister to people during our “normal” family-time.  She also knows that I am committed to my family and will make up time lost at a later time.  My wife also knows that if at any time she feels that the family is hurting due to ministry she has the right to look her husband in the eye and say, “time for ‘family time’.” 

            Every believer should have a place of ministry in the Kingdom’s Work. As a part of that ministry, one must have a philosophy of ministry regarding one’s family based upon the Scriptures to guide them in protecting their family.    

My Personal Philosophy of the Family in Ministry

As a minister of God’s Word I am obligated by God to care for my family, scripturally if I am found lacking as a husband and as a father I am unqualified to serve as a pastor of God’s Church.  As such, my Scriptural priorities are first my God, second my family and third my service to God’s Church.  Keeping these biblical priorities in their order allows me to serve the Lord’s church even better with full confidence in the blessing of the Lord and a clear conscience before God.  

What is your Philosophy of the Family in Ministry?